Kayla's christmas party!

So today i'm going to Kayla's <3 family Christmas party, i'm pumped! So i'm being picked up at about 2:30 or so, idk, i'm just waiting and i'm bored. So today i'll be with her all day! so i'm prettymuch obsessed with her i guess. =D So i'm bored and have no reson to be doing anything, haha. I'll talk to you all later, i hope you all have as good of a day as i will =D.

idk. Thursday?

So I'm bored and tired, this weekend's gunna suck cause i'm grounded because of some school stuff. Idk, but i have tomorrow off, that's good news i guess. I have to get up early and go into school to set up for the fund raiser though. Now next weekend, sat. i'm going to Kayla's family christmas party. stoked about that. but other than that....job..soon.. idk what else. I guess i'll end post.

yuper

So i abandond my comp for a week or so, hope all yall dont mind. I've been VERY buisy doing nothing these days. I'm sending in my job aplication as we speak(or as i speak) and probably whenever you read this cause i'm not doing it right now. Kayla should probably stop in today, nothin else going on. Pizzzza's in the oven, w/e. I've got nothin to say so....till next time, your friendly neighborhood Jakeoff.

BackInBlack(don't ask)

So i'm finally un-grounded from the comp, and BRB i gotta go to the bathroom! okay, forget that. So yeah, i'm finally able to get at the comp n' stuff. So i've reolized alot has been changing lately. Small and big. I kn0w there have been some people who i've been leaving out of my life, not on purpose, but still. And i havent been at all thankful enough to my friends. Okay, what have i been doing since my last post? what was my last post...hold on. Okay, now i remember. Not a cool night, but okay. since then i've....Gone to the church potluck thing, Done things with Kayla, School plus more, dance compatition plus more, movie night thing, thanksgiving's today! but mine's on saturday really, but yeah. I got a letter or two from Chelsea. People who know her, write her. But yeah, starting December 5th all her mail is saved for Christmass. So yeah. Well that's prettymuch it. Britt Famere's wedding's coming up at the end of December, exciting.

Favorate person

KMD

So tonight i almost gave up the most important person in my life because of afew minor issues. Never let go of the one you love for petty little insegnificant things. If you love them, then keep them.

Facts

-It is estimated that 15% or roughly 17 million Americans suffer from depression.

-It affects rich and poor, young and old, black and white.

-2/3 are never treated.

-They do not recognize the illness, and see it as a weakness or personality flaw.

-Untreated depression is the most common cause of suicide.

-In Australia, New Zealand and Japan, there are more suicides than murders.

-Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people.

-Depression is treatable.

-Cutting was very much a mystery until 1996 when Princess Diana admitted that she had struggled with it.

-Cutters use physical pain as an attempt to calm or numb the psychological pain.

-They cut the outside in an attempt release the pain on the inside.

-Cutting is an attempt to stop the hurting, an attempt to be clean.

-Cutters and addicts seek the familiar, even if it's pain.

-This is completely foreign to most of us.

-Cutters believe pain is their only option, using greater pain as relief from the pain inside.

-There is hope.

www.twloha.com

random thoughts....enjoy...or not..........

Hmm....homework.....to go to party, or not to go to party? foooood..........Eddie Looney? what's that?........pie.......KAYLA ILoveHer..........school.... =(.............pie....=)...........

new post

So it's been afew days since my last post. On Friday i went to the morge in Freedom with Kayla, Tom, Maxx, Kaleb, and a bunch of Kayla's friends afew of them i've met before, but yeah, that went really well. Except i lost one of my rings, and Maxx lost his lip ring....yup, good stuff.
I think i'm alot better than i have been as far as being depressed, i'm looking forward and keeping my chin up, so i hope i dont seem as weird or whatever, but yeah. School's really the only thing that's keeping me down, i hate it with a burning passion. And i gotta go do more homework since i'm about a week behind on EVERYTHING! so i'll talk to ya'll later.

betttttterrrrrrr

so i'm seing kayla in almost 2 hours or something! ahhh i'm HAPPY!!!!!!

So it's been a week and a day since my last post, alot happens in a week and a day, or in this case a week and a half. but anyway. Last sunday i was depressed....majorly, yeah, idk why, idk how, but i was. So i decided to get wasted for whatever reson, dont ask cause i frankly dont know. But yeah, there was a whole ordeal with my parents, the next day they took me to a shrink. Yeah, i left some stuff out but that doesnt matter. I just thought i'd get that out in the open cause i dont care who knows. So now my parents dont trust me and they're worried, my friends all have their own problems, and i'm stuck helping them the best i can, i do like helping them though, it gives me reson. I love my friends, they're what keep me going, but at they same time they're what pulls me down. Most people probably wouldn't care about all this anyway, but it's my life, and my blog. And i get mad to easaly. I actualy made a list for Rach today of the things that were bothering me it was 2 full pages long. And yeah, she asked me to otherwise i wouldnt have done it, but w/e. Wait, i was suppost to make one of those for tom...hell, i'll do it now, he reads this.

these arn't in any order

-Drama
-school
-Miss Aerts' justice which i really do deserve but i'm fucking sick of
-Mrs. Nimmer, idk, she's out to make everything perfect, i hate perfect.
-Myself, i hate myslef cause i cant figure anything out and i procrastinate about everything.
-Everybody getting on me about Rachel, JUST FRIENDS! end of story, now SHUT UP!
-Sam cheeting on Britt and her not caring cause she's too crazy about him to break up.
-Somethings wrong with Kayla and she wont tell me...she can always talk to me no matter what.
-my parents dont trust me....my fault......
-I cant seem to find time to do ANYTHING important.
-I procrastinate on EVERYTHING especialy homework.
-cold pizza........
-I need a job
-I cant seem to find time to get a job, even though i don't even try....
-Rach and her dad getting laid off...and she might move.
-If Kayla moves in with her dad and he moves, ill probably die cause it's over an hour away now.
-no one will care about this list by the time they get this far.
-I could keep going but i dont want to cause no one cares.
-yeah that's about it, sorry for your time.....

yeah

Yeah, i'm back or whatever. I never really left, But yeah. So today Kayla called and said she, Kayla, was coming over, yup. Kayla just told me like it was fact, I didn't beleave Kayla, so Kayla showed up at my door, then Kayla gave my mom flowers, THEN Kayla and I looked through Kayla's new photo book thing, i gave Kayla her present, and POOF! Kayla was gone, it was prettymuch awesome, lol. Kayla, your going doing that more often, cause it makes me happy, kaay? yup, you are Kayla!
ANNNNND i'm going to the game friday, going to see Kayla! ILoveKayla<3, good week, yup. well...good last half of week, haha. So i'm in a happy mood, thanks to who? Kayla of course!

so i probably wont be on for awile, just because, computers are mean, Yup. So i'll talk to you all later.

yet another weekend...

So this weekend was prettymuch not cool. Yeah, prettymuch what I've been talking about. Plus i didn't get to see Kayla....sadness. And everything all of the sudden seems useless when she's gone, u know? Maybe you don't, but anyway. Sam can be a big help, or a big ass, depends on his mood, right now. big ass, what's new? and i guess if you read this you care somewhat. right? maybe. well i know Kayla does, ILoveYouBabe. and Hannah says she cares, i believe her. Tom's always cared. idk who else reads this. so yeah, why am i telling you this? dk. I should probably go get the 2 hours of homework i have due for Monday done... yeah, i know, I'm a big ass procrastinator and proud of it, I'm also proud of my new Flyleaf band T, good stuff. so yeah....I guess I'll end on that note, be prepared for a 'bad day' post about Monday....

time to blog again

So the past couple days have prettymuch been hell on my mind. THINGS, scary sometimes how much can almost happen in a week. You can loose friends, you can gain them, you can comfort them, you can hate them. All this you can do, but at the end of the week, you try to forget all of that and start new. It gets repetitive, but I find its one of the only ways to stay sane. And get the shit knocked out of me playing football.
So I'll leave in a good mood, probably not gunna be that way tomorrow, but it's Kayla's birthday tomorrow, so I'll be happy for her =), Happy Birthday sweetie <3

tues..

Yeah, so today... anyone who saw me would know that i'm prettymuch almost giving up.....but yeah, today sucked, i'm sore all over, my nose is all bent to shit, and i have 5 hours of choir tonight. Joe, Alex, Johnny, and some other person showed up after school, that made me somewhat happy.


and i hope we're alright...

Brett was at school at lunch too, cool little fatty.
well my day wasnt allllll that bad,

i just hope we're alright...

yup

So i have no clue who actually reads this.....but whatever. Today all i really have to say is....don't expect me to do things just cause everyone is telling me to, seriously, lay off, kay? cause I'm already pissed off enough on a daily basis. So if you have a problem with something either deal with it yourself, or confront me. Don't just say things to other people and expect that it'll go through the grape vine n shit like that.

re-cap

the pic is not me btw
Friday: .....SLEEP * Coffee followed by school. Sam came home w/me after school. Tom came later. FRANTIC CALLING trying to figure out what the hell is going on!!! Joe shows up finally and we go bowling. Kayla. Dropped off people and went home. SLEEP.....

Saturday: .....SLEEP * House work. Club social thing. Food. SLEEP.....

Sunday: .....SLEEP * Church. Sick. sick. sick. sick. sick. sick. sick. sick. SLEEP.....

Monday: .....SLEEP * .....SLEEP * .....SLEEP. * TV. SLEEP..... * Food. SLEEP.....

Tuesday: " repeat Monday"

Wednesday: .....SLEEP * Coffee. School. Tired. phone. comp. HW. Blog.....

Been A While

"It's Been A While"

And it's been awhile

Since I could hold my head up high

And it's been awhile

Since I first saw you

And it's been awhile

Since I could stand on my own two feet again

And it's been awhile

Since I could call you

And everything I can't remember

As fucked up as it all may seem

The consequences that I've rendered

I've stretched myself beyond my means

And it's been awhile

Since I can say that I wasn't addicted

And it's been awhileSince I can say I love myself as well

And it's been awhile

Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do

And it's been awhile

But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

And everything I can't remember

As fucked up as it all may seem

The consequences that I've rendered

I've gone and fucked things up again

Why must I feel this way?

Just make this go away

Just one more peaceful day!

And it's been awhile

Since I could look at myself straight

And it's been awhile

Since I said I'm sorry

And it's been awhile

Since I've seen the way the candles light your face

And it's been awhile

But I can still remember just the way you taste

And everything I can't remember

As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me

I cannot blame this on my father

He did the best he could for me

And it's been awhile

Since I could hold my head up high

And it's been awhile

Since I said I'm sorry

STAIND

Yeah, everyone knows this song, but it's prettymuch awesome.

boring time

So i'm compleatly ready to go.....but school doesn't start for another hour.......oh well, i'll just soak in the little time that i wont be with Tom n Sam today. So i'm gunna leave for school in about umm........idk 40 min. Then we'll do the whole Friday drill. What fun.....YAY! i was just handed COFEE!!!! but yeah, as I was saying....From school Sam is coming home w/me, that's at 3, then after Tom is done getting shoes he'll come over about 4:30 or something, more or less. Then Joe's gunna pick us up around 6......then football....in the rain most likely. Then bowling, With Kayla! And i gotta go now. SO0o0O yeah

NEW AMP!!!!!

So just ask anyone who's talked to me today or last night. I GOT A NEW AMP!!!!! ahhhh
yeah, it's the one in the pic. prettymuch compleatly utterly awesome!!!!! ahhhh, i'm having a good day. 5 hours one the shread so far!!!!

Your face

Ever since I last saw your face

All I could think of was you

Now that I'm Alone

I find myself in thought

of what might just be

the perfect chance to soar

or to become infatuated again

you make me smile

I wish i knew what you were doing now

are you thinking of me?

I can feel your touch

from miles away

i can see your face

in my dreams

because ILoveYou

And i need you

forever more lost in eternity

and gone from this earth

to our own world

my mind is wandering

but just closer to you

my eyes fall shut but not to sleep

and i drop then pen in utter tired

yet I will not sleep

^- I feel asleep right after i wrote that line, haha

6F.G.A./I.W.E.Y.P.= '6Flags Great America/'I Will Eat Your Pantaloons'

SOOOOO i just got back from G.A. JAKE <-- happy person!!!!
So i got up at %*@/ing 5:30am, went to Micky D's, waited forever, i finally get picked up, 4hour drive or something like that, stopping at Micky D's along the way. we get there, eat at Micky D's again. i got more gum. Bought a superman shirt! got ditched then spent the rest of the day with Cliff and his chieka'. Yeah, she's prettymuch cool, n he's my homeboya from tha Silver Cliffs of North Weh yo'
Sooooo I'm happy, cause Kayla is coming tomorrow, happy, happy, happy, day

yuuuuup

Soo, today i've been working with my dad to make a school ID, he's the headperson or whatever of the school, well we were doing it to that i could go to 6flags, i need picture ID. So now i'm just waiting cause i have to get up at 5:30am so i can be at Micky D's at 6, wow, i'm cool, i can get up early.
Soooooo the next day, sunday=fun day, yuuup. ILoveMyKayla*EndOfStory

Ordinary

Today is the 13th, just an ordinary day, with ordinary people, and ordinary classes. One thing that wasn't ordinary was me, and that's pretty ordinary though........yup, ordinary

Day....

Blog time again, what fun..... Yeah, today's been weird but okay. Not so much the weird as the okay, if that makes sense. I've even further embraced my love for the ever fulfilling and sustaining substance referred to by most as coffee' yea, its just about the best thing on this whole planet.
Hmm i has a good Sunday, and my Monday was..........well a Monday. But today I had a.....strange and hard to explain day. Feelings and thoughts came back again. So i guess it's been a happy, sad, confused, carbuncled, and blubified, day. And i know that that made no sense, on that note I'll end this edition of.....nothing

911

September 11, 2001

a day most of us will never forget, a day we should all remember forever.

Just have to mention all those who died today five years ago, we will never forget.

Today and Tomorrow

So today was alright. Things are great with Kayla as far as I know. I just gotta see her soon though. Like right now. I guess I'm going to Great America on Sat. That should be fun, and I'm buying a superman shirt, because me n Kayla are just that cool. Hmm...maybe I'll get my ears pierced and get superman earrings too.....hmm......haha.
I dont know if i wanna go to Great America though really, i mean i wanna go, but that would mean i would only be able to do something with Kayla on sunday after she gets off work at four, which means idk if people can do something that night cause of school....but we'll see, yup. I love her, no doubt in my mind.

"Let It Die

"Let It Die"

We had fire in our eyes

In the beginning I

Never felt so alive

In the beginning you

You blame me but

It's not fair when you say that I didn't try

I just don't want to hear it anymore

I swear I never meant to let it die

I just don't care about you anymore

It's not fair when you say that I didn't try

I just don't care about you anymore

We had time on our side

In the beginning we

We had nothing to hide

In the beginning you

You blame me but

It's not fair when you say that I didn't try

I just don't want to hear it anymore

I swear I never meant to let it die

I just don't care about you anymore

It's not fair when you say that I didn't try

I just don't care about you anymore

You say that I didn't try

You say that I didn't try

You say that I didn't try

I swear I never meant to let it die

I just don't care about you anymore

It's not fair when you say that I didn't try

I just don't care about you anymore

I just don't care about you anymore

I just don't care about you anymore

I just don't care about you anymore

I just don't care about you anymore

I think all ya'll know what that's about. even though i didnt write it (three days grace) it is prettymuch exactly taken out of my 'ead

yup

So i'm prettymuch hating life and all, nothin much. Kayla's doubting us, that's always nice.

Taking Back My Life

Today I've realized that my life, for the most part, has been controlled by other people's views, interests, and ways of thinking. Today I'm taking back my life by forgetting about what other people think and just be myself. Now I'm not saying i never act myself, just that in general my way of thinking and acting around most groups of people is effected by those people. I don't know if that's really all that bad sometimes, but i don't think that it should always be the case.
The point of this blog is, i hope, to show you who i am. I hope to do some real posting this time, unlike my last blog. So keep up if you want. Don't if you don't.