NEW YEAR!

With the new year in 11 hours, i thought i'd start to use my blogger again. I mean REALLY use it. I hope you all have a wonderful new years eve.
Now! To the drinking!

wow

so i doubt anyone really reads this blog anymore. I'll have to re tell people about it. Basically i'll write what's going on in my life. Things i want to share, some personal, some meaningless. If your interested with what might be going wrong with me at any given moment, you'll probably find it here.

I know this is the way things should be,
and that this is what's supposed to happen,
i wish this isn't what i'd have to see,
I know now what we should have been,

On a cold night in december,
or in the cool brease of spring,
i know i'll always remember,
the ball game,
when you came,
and stole my heart away!

I know this is the way things were bound to be,
i damned the day this would happen,
i always wanted people to look and see,
how much you truly meant to me,

I've stayed up nights in wonder,
of what the next day would bring,
would you stop and remember,
my name,
notre dame,
and us together!

I've felt this way before,
about people half your score,
it doesnt really matter,
what you say,
to take away,
the pain i've felt for you.

I shake off the dust,
and stand up,
i scrape off the rust,
and reolize,
that it's time for me to give in....and up

Back to real life

So I'm back to real life after 7 days of sailing the upper bay. I hate to remember all the friends i keep loosing contact with, and that the people I used to hold closest to my heart i barely talk to if at all. The school year is fast approaching on the 27Th. At NDA transfer students get paired up with someone so that they're not alone when they come in. Apparently Kayla knows the girl I'm paired up with. I got to know afew people at NDA through the Stubenville retreat, i hope that works out. Right now i barely even talk to the guys in the band anymore, let alone most of my friends. It's not intentional. I've just been working most days this summer and when I'm not working I'm gone somewhere. I was gone at Stubenville(which was amazing) and then this week sailing and next weekend I'm going to go visit Chelsea. She has her habit and new name now. I don't even know what it is yet...to tell you the truth I'm extremely nervous about it. I know it's horrible but i haven't been able to send her a letter. I mean emotionally. She's been gone for a full year now, and i haven't sent her one letter. I only talked to her when we visited once, and when she came here for a week, which seems so far and distant. She cant come home for 2 years still.
I'm hoping that this school year helps more than it hurts. God knows last year this time i was a complete and utter wreck. Maybe it'll be okay for once. I guess we'll see. I just want my friends back, and to do things regularly with them, and just be there for them. I feel like I've cut so many friendships short. I want to make things better. well i guess I'll go for now.

you know

You know something's wrong when you reolize that there's a person who loves you and you never really listend to what they were telling you. Sometimes just taking the time to listen really is the only right thing to do.

played accoustic

You held my hand and then you slipped away
And I may never see your face again
So tell me how to fill the emptiness inside
Without love, what is life?
And anyone who knew us both can see
We always were the better part of me
I never wanted to be this free
And all this pain, when does it go away?

Then everytime I turn around
And you're nowhere to be found
I know

I gotta long long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I gotta long long way I know
Before I can say goodbye
To all I ever knew, to you
To you

From memory there is no hiding place
Turn on the TV and I see you there
In every crowd there's always someone with your face
Everywhere, trying not to care

Then everytime I turn around
And you're nowhere to be found
I know

I gotta long long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I gotta long long way I know
Before I can say goodbye
To all I ever knew

To you I wish you everything
And all the best that life can bring
I only hope you think of me sometimes
Oh, and even though I feel the pain
I know that I will love again
The time will come
Oh, and I'll move on

I gotta long long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I gotta long long way I know
Gotta long way to go
Before I can say goodbye
Before I say goodbye
To all I ever knew
To all I ever knew
I gotta long way to go
Before I say
Say goodbye, say goodbye
But I wish you the best girl
Oh and all of the rest to you

I am

I'm just a little teenager, not the man i try to make myself out to be...

After everything I've done.

After everything i've done she still cares about me, after everything i've done, they still talk to me, after everything i've done i'm not hated. I make a big deal out of little things that pale in comparison to the things i've done to them. I dont know how i came to deserve people like that being concerned with any part of me. I've been selfish, foolish, hard hearted, and mean. The few things that really matter to me, that matter to me SO VERY MUCH, are the ones that i've hurt, and continue to hurt day by day. If someone would be so kind as to tell me why i deserve people like them, please tell me, why i deserve to be treated with the love and care i get from them? Why? After everything i've put them through, why do they still care?....

like it

So Kayla and i had a really good conversation last night, and she was over yesterday, i like that.

Kayla Marie Deutscher will always be good enough.

c-box

I've been having problems with my c-box, so i just took it off for now.
ttyall later

insane feelings

This week, to say the least, has had it's share of different emotions. I think i could give an example of every emotion i could think of, but i wont do that. Chelsea came home on Thursday, only to leave again this upcoming Thursday. That is quite bittersweet. Things with Chelsea are quite the same as before she left, such as how we play with eachothers feet at dinner, or how i play with her pony tail just because i know it annoys her, you know, the things little brothers do. We got up early and went sailing, that was fun, i guess, it's all quite bittersweet, knowing she wont come back for two years.
Now school...that's a whole other thing. I cant really express the way i feel about it, tom did pretty well i have to say, but i just know that it will always be extreamly close to my heart, as will all the people who i have gone there with.
I saw Kayla 3 times this week. Monday sailing, yesterday with steph walking gracie, and then tonight she was here for about 5 hours just hanging out, we took a walk, that was nice, and hung out with chelsea.
So there are alot of mixed emotions, and i know it's nothing really, but i cant get much sleep =/ not gunna lie, and i'm worried about afew of my friends, i hope they know i actually really do care...

sailing

I took kayla out sailing today, that made my day, my week really =)

okay, so

SOOOOOOOO, Kayla's coming sailing tomorrow =D makes me happy. I'm not guanna lie, i didnt know if my parents would go for it, but they were happy n stuff about it, so yeah, it works. Yard work today, fun fun. So yesterday Hannah and Sam got baptised and their parents got recognized marrage thingy or yeah. So congrats to them.

mhm

Hmm, i just feel like blogging, no reson. We got the boat in the water last night, i'm pretty sure there's a race tuesday night, hmm, idk if i'm gunna crew, we'll see. mhm, that's prettymuch it. talk to yall later

mmmm coffeeeee!

So guess what i did this morning at 3am.....made coffee, in my music room =P

...

So Kayla just left...yeah, the night went great, but it ended with her crying in my arms....i'm not sure what's going on....i wish i did..i just know i love her.....

45

Send away for a priceless gift
One not subtle, one not on the list
And end away for a perfect world
One not simply, so absurd
In these times of doing what you're told
You keep these feelings, that no one knows
So what ever happened to the young man's heart
It's Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart

And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45,
I'm Swimming through the ashes of another life
there's no real reason to accept the way things have changed
Staring down the barrel of a 45

Send a message to the unborn child
Keep your eyes open for a while
In a box high up on the shelf, left for you, no one else
There's a piece of a puzzle known as life
It's wrapped in guilt, sealed up tight

So what ever happened to the young man's heart
It's swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart

[CHORUS]

Cause everyone's pointing their fingers
There always condemning me
Well nobody knows what I believe
What I believe

[CHORUS]

hmm i wonder...

So i wonder who reads my blog. i mean, i have 11 views today already and i just got home from school. hmm, hit me up then, if u want. I'm really bored anyway.
catch yall latah

mmmm sweaty!

So i just got done mowing the lawn, and my mom said i should have the band over today, so i will, idk, it's HER mother's day, so she can have the band over if she wants it =D not gunna lie.
ttyall later

been awhile

so it's been a little while since i've posted last. There isn't much new, the band hasn't practiced in about 2 months, that really sucks =( but yeah, so i'm bored and it's hot n humid. Mrs. Moran's hubby is on leave, so they stopped by school today. That's about it really. No one seems to post anymore, except hannah, she does, but yeah.....talk to ya'll later.

NDA

So i shadowed Alex on thursday at Notre Dame, i'm officially going there next year. Here's what classes i'm taking if anyone's interested at all.
-----------------
French I.
Algebra I(cause i need to go back b4 i do chem).
Theology: Social justice/Hebrew Scripture.
American Experiance(english and history, back to back classes).
Mechanical drafting.
Music Appreciation.
Art I.
Art II.
------------------
So yeah, oh yeah, i talked to the Band director and he said there's a really good chance i can play guitar in one of the Jazz bands, so i'm happy about that.

well i'll catch ya'll later,
-Jake

Taking back my life

When I started this blog i tittled it 'Taking back my life'. Well I, and others, can tell you that I havent done a very good job, at all, whatsoever. Now today I re-dedicate myself to taking back that life that I sought for back 64 posts ago. I appologise for all those I've hurt, and hope that I can prove myself once again, to be somewhat respectable, reliable, and worthy of the friendships I used to hold soo dearly. I know I've done things unforgivable, and unrepairable, I can only ask for undeserving forgiveness. I hope I wont let my friends down once again, I want this to be different..
~Jake

back from florida

Hey guys, so I'm back from florida, and I went to forensics today and got a 24 out of 25, that makes me pretty happy I guess. So how are ya'll doing? I'm pretty bored here, just gunna hang around I guess, I'm still really tired from this week, it killed.
so i'll talk to ya'll later, i think i'm gunna go watch a movie,
cya

Hey, you know the feeling, not knowing what's around the next corner. Afraid of what the next turn might bring. Well I've realized that no matter how much you try to slow down or stop, if you don't go to it, it'll come to you. No matter how hard you try to run the other direction, the road will catch up to you. If you would've just kept walking, the turn would have come, and you'd have gone past it. Now, you've been avoiding it, afraid of if, and you've built up a terror about it. Even if what lies there isn't all that bad, you perceive it to be unbearable. If you were to just keep walking, you wouldn't been so distressed. Remember that about the next turn your road takes, don't run from it, don't fear it, accept it and keep moving. Take what comes, and leave behind what you can't carry, but don't look back upon it mournfully.

babbling...

So I hate how things are going, eh, who doesn't? Well the school's gone to hell, my relationships with all my friends are dwindling, I don't get to see anyone all my spring break(tomorrow at 11:00 until the night of the 13Th), my grades suck major ass, I can't seem to shut myself up when I should, I don't say what I should when I should, I just LOVE to put myself down, and I don't really feel like writing the rest. Lets just say that I'm in an average teenage wasteland. I know though, this is nothing, just wait 'till i get into the real world. None of this will matter, all that will matter is that I make enough money to live off, and that I don't get arrested because of the things that are inevitable for me to do in the future, if not now. So my point is that quite frankly, I feel incredibly screwed right now.
Thanks for reading my constant babbling and shit.

mhmm

So the band was over today..yup, we watched this movie, i liked it, but yeah, so what's up ya'll, i'm bored now..so i found out i'm going to florida from the 7th to the 13th, yeah, not gunna lie, i don't really want to go, but whatever. Haha, I'll catch ya'll later

hi-o

People touch you in different ways each day. Some may be there forever, and some come and go in only a couple of days. But no matter how much time you spent with that person, they can move you, or touch your heart in some way. Now i know this sounds pretty mushy, but hey, it's true. I just thought i'd let ya'll know that i feel that way =) I'll catch ya'll later

re-cap

re-cap: TODAY

-sam n britt ran away and me n oliver found them and turned them in.
-i met oliver's new girlfriend Maria.
-and, oh yeah, i just broke up with the love of my whole fuckin life.

Seether, The Gift

Hold me now I need to feel relief
Like I never wanted anything
I suppose I'll let this go and find a reason I'll hold on to
I'm so ashamed of defeat
And I'm out of reason to believe in me
I'm out of trying to get by

I'm so afraid of the gift you give me
I don't belong here and I'm not well
I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living
Right on the wrong side of it all

I can't face myself when I wake up
And look inside a mirror
I'm so ashamed of that thing
I suppose I'll let it go
Untill I have something more to say for me
I'm so afraid of defeat
And I'm out of reason to believe in me
I'm out of trying to defy

I'm so afraid of the gift you give me
I don't belong here and I'm not well
I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living
Right on the wrong side of it all

Hold me now I need to feel complete
Like I matter to the one I need

I'm so afraid of the gift you give me
I don't belong here and I'm not well
I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living
Right on the wrong side of it all

Now I'm ashamed of this
I am so ashamed of this
Now I'm so ashamed of this
I am so ashamed of me...

Hey, so my face is weird..yeah, so how's everyone? throughly confused? well then your like me. Idk what else to say about that. So i'll just end this little piece of nothing-ness.

btr

So i'm better now. Kayla <--ILoveHer =D

me-you-whoever?

So i'm not gunna lie, today i've been in a bad, bad, mood. It's probably mostly because of last night, and just that i'm mad at myself right now. It's always nice to have people to go to, and be around, where they make you happy. Regretfully that's not my band =/. but we practiced today, we sucked even more than usual.

Hey ya'll, it's been kindof an on-off week, my life's the same, but that's not interesting. Hmm, ferensics is next week, and i'm going to kayla's on Saturday, should be fun. Idk what else is really going on w/me. I hope ya'll are havin' good lives. email me whenever if u want. Cya.

today..

Hey, so today was a good day, school was good, tonight i saw kayla, that was amazing. prettymuch allover good day, and i have to get up in time to catch the buss from SSPP to the twin cities, i'll be back on sunday. Talk to ya'll later.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

fun isn't it?....not knowing...just waiting...and hoping...i know proably all of you know the feeling.........
-Jake

hmm-ness

Have any of you ever known what it feels like to meat a compleat stranger and then just talk to them like you've known them for years, then leave and never talk to them again, but you still think about them once in awile? Weird thing, isn't it?

look what i found!

haha, camp 2005, hair....haha, now that's some good stuff right there.

pie is fine with a little peach brine

hi peoples of onlinebloggerwebvill, how's life? i like pie, especially pie that's good. I like good pie......So i'm gunna have a good weekend, hope ya'll do the same. catch ya'll later.

hi-oh

HI PEOPLE, i'm in a whole, lol, idk why but i say i am so i am. I'm going to a play with kayla, that WILL be fun. and i'm officially thanking beth again for lending me her bio book last night. lol, and i'm in a good mood, and should be doing my homework. oh well. i'll cyall laterr....hmm funny pic.

content

Today's been okay, practiced with sam n chris, did a little work on the room. An okay day you might say. Time to find a good pic........okay, that one does suffice. Cya'll

I need to talk, no one to talk to, end of story.

hmm-ness

So....I DIDNT STAY HOME FROM SCHOOL TODAY. yeah, i'm feeling better. So i'm really bored though, there's not much to do around here really. I should be painting, and i pick up the guitar whenever i'm bored, but yeah. So people, talk to me, i want to know if anyone reads this. I'd write in it anyway, so it doesn't matter. So, today, so far, is alright. i'll just go find a cool pic for this post...okay, you have to admit, that's a pretty awsome bunch of guys....NO CLUE who they are, but who cares.
Catch ya'll l8ter.

So idk, but I'm not exactly feelin tha love t'night, but that's no ones fault, I'm just a bum in tha basement. I hope ya'll are haven a great, love-filled, V-Mass.
-Peace-In-Love-Ya'll<3-

So hello blog readers. Tell me how your doing, and i know you cant comment my blog right now, but untill i figure that out, email me at 'the_converser@yahoo.com'. Thanks ya'll.

A perfect example of me and ADD......pie is good

So today i'm home sick again, it might be strep, but idk. {So there's this girl...} I'm bored, and kayla's upset, and she's gone to olive garden....HEY! Happy valentines day ya'll. okay.....i think you can all see that i have ADD today, just live every day. So i'm bored......This must be really fun to read. HANNAH'S PARTY! that'll be fun......hmm.....so St. Valentine....i have no clue who he is......................<-- too many dots...umm, yeah, i'll end this cause it's Really fun for me, but NOT SO MUCH fun for you, i'm gunna go eat, or drink...or both....or.........................................bye

<3

This just happens to be the most important person to me.

okay, the blog's done for now....probably not but i say it is. Tell me if i should change anything?-Peace-ness-

I'm getting that sailing itch again..

a sickening feeling in my breathing thinging.

So today i'm home sick,



fun fun, i cant wait to do my homework =D....=(. yeah, so i've been playing around with my blog, maybe that'll keep me writing in it a little more now that i acctually like it, oh well, we'll see.
I need a life, i made pancakes....not much else going on. i talked to Claudia again for the first time in awile. hmm. i should probably get going, i'll catch ya'll later. peace =P

hey

It's morning, before school. I'm bored and acctually pretty happy. Fun, Fun. I hope your all doing good. I just wanted to say hey to whoever. Catch ya all later.

no tittle

So now i hear it, now i know. For the past few months I've been completely aware, yet i have to read it tonight. Tom's right, words hurt, words ruin, but also....words heal. I have always been one to beat myself up about certain aspects of my life, sometimes physically, mostly mentally. My life prettymuch only consists of Kayla and my few real friends, and school. Fun, isn't it? Well my few joys left are only obtained through my friends. Such as the slowly, yet steadily, emerging band, which only now lacks someone who has already been chosen but hasn't shown interest lately. But that's not the point of this post. I write only because today I've really realized that, well, that I've been unfufulling to my friends, and unworthy of any one's love. Yet, i know i get it anyway. I argue with my parents and peers, acting like i don't care anymore. It's true, sometimes i don't. In reality they just want to help, like everyone else i know... i find that i tend to hang around with those that care the least, yet i have the most hope for, until lately though. The Haltoms and Chris, and Max, They should be where my allegiances lie. What am i talking about, allegiances? I've always most people as equals, even if they don't deserve it... But, even now...as most of you sleep, I'm beating myself up for not being who I'm meant to be......now tonight, no more procrastination on my homework, I'll get it done, i just never really cared i guess, and i have a million other things to work on. And i will work on them, because i know that without my friends, I'm just a guy in a school without hope..........Thanks tom, for the words you might not have know would help, and if you did, well w.e, thanks.

Fish and Chips! Fish and chips........

So....today/this weekend starting Saturday night after people left, sucked. I've been fighting with my parents about practically everything since then. I worked on my room a little today, took the wall paper off, which is a pain, and i had to get all the glew off....yeah, that didn't work...so i stopped and started watching the game, which i fell asleep in, i really wanted to watch it too but my sleeping schedule is soo fucked up it decided that i needed to sleep from the third quarter till 2 in the morning, then decide that i shouldn't do my homework and write on this fucking blog. So.....yeah, not a cool day. at all. and i should really do my homework.....but i wont....and then I'll kick myself, hard. yeah.....fun day isn't it.....well.......at least the colts won, i know that much, but i could really care a lot fucking less...